holdin on we gotta try, holdin on to never say goodbye
by jellybean96
Summary: In the aftermath of being body-snatched, things aren't all that peaceful for Clarke and co. Just when they think things are good, something else goes wrong, completely turning their world upside down.


**Hey babes! Back again with a new story. This one came about because of many people's theory that Clarke may experience some memory loss at the end of the season. As heart-breaking as that would be, I would not put it past the show to cause us more pain. So I wrote this in about a day. Be prepared for pain.**

**Enjoy!**

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It comes out of nowhere. It happens little by little, over a short period of time. No one is expecting it. No one realizes what's actually happening until it's too late. Everything has been worked out, relationships are mending, the proverbial dust has settled, and they all finally have a moment of peace.

They should have known it was all too good to be true.

At first, it's just the smaller details about her life, tiny things that wouldn't really seem to matter that much. Little things about her childhood and teen years that she can almost recall if she really thinks about it. No one thinks much on it, though. After everything they've been through, they all have a bit of a hard time remembering their time before coming to Sanctum, especially their time before Praimfaya.

They're all sitting around the main square of Sanctum, the suns are low in the sky, a large fire burning in the center to keep them warm and able to see one another. Bugs and insects make noise all around them, filling the space when it isn't filled with conversations.

Everyone is paired off or grouped up, though none of them are really isolating themselves. They're just sitting with those they feel closest to, having small conversations and bonding. Even some of the residents of Sanctum are there, trying to get to know more about these people who showed up one day and turned their whole world upside down.

Bellamy and Clarke are sitting side by side, their shoulders touching, leaning on one another. It had taken a long conversation filled with loud voices, many tears, and more than one heartfelt confession for them to get to this point. They're finally together and happy. She's even happier having her daughter back, The daughter from those six years alone together. That'd been rough, having to watch Madi deal with all of what she did to get to this point. But they made it through. And now Madi is lying down with her head in Clarke's lap, the older blonde running her fingers through the young brunette's hair as they both watch the fire crack and pop.

She could really get used to all of this.

"Clarke?" the young girl whispers, drawing her attention.

"Yeah, Madi?"

"Could you...could you tell me a story?"

Clarke smiles, continuing to card her fingers through the girl's hair. "Been over a hundred years since I've told you a story."

Madi nods with a small smile. "I know. I miss them."

Clarke takes a deep breath. "Well, what story do you want to hear? I might be able to come up with something new if you want."

Madi shakes her head as she sits up. "No. I don't want a new one. I want the one about the hundred."

"Haven't you heard that one enough?" Clarke asks her with an amused smile. "You could probably tell it to me at this point."

"Please, Clarke? You did say it's been over a hundred years."

She laughs quietly. "I did say that. Are you sure you really want to hear that story?"

"Yeah. It's my favorite."

Clarke smiles and brushes a strand of hair back behind her daughter's ear. "Oh, I know it is, my little _natblida._ I guess I can tell you that story if you really want it."

"Wait, Clarke's telling a story?" Jordan speaks up from his place near them. He has an eager smile on his face. "Mom and dad never heard any of your stories, but they said you inspired them to tell me stories when I was growing up. I'm dying to hear a Clarke Griffin story. You have to know stuff that mom and dad didn't. What's the story about?"

"The hundred," Madi tells him with a giddy smile. "It's my favorite. Well, a hundred and one including Bellamy. That's the best part."

There's some shuffling around the fire as everyone gets themselves more comfortable, settling in for a story. One that very few of them have actually lived. The residents of Sanctum are eager to hear more about these people.

"Well come on, Clarke," Murphy chimes in from his place sitting on the ground, leaning back in between Emory's legs. "Don't leave us hanging. Tell us the story."

Clarke sighs. "I've never had an audience this big before." She breathes in deeply, shifting in her seat, still not used to so many people watching her while she tells this story. "Okay. So, once, there was this-"

"Clarke, you have to start it 'once upon a time', remember?" Madi speaks up.

Clarke nods, remembering all those years ago when she told it. "Right. Of course. So, once upon a time, there was a castle in the sky. Everyone who lived there was scared of what was down below. But their castle was dying. So they decided to send a bunch of juve-"

"The bad children."

"Sorry. The bad children. They sent the bad children down to see if they could survive the scary place. There were a hundred of them in the beginning. They were-"

"A hundred and one, Clarke," Madi tells her with a slightly exasperated sigh. "A hundred and one counting Bellamy. That's the most important part. Bellamy's such a big part of the whole story. You can't forget about Bellamy."

Clarke nods slowly, giving her daughter a small smile and running a hand through her hair. "I know, I'm sorry. I guess I'm really butchering the story, huh? Maybe you want to take over for me and tell it?"

Madi shakes her head. "No, it's okay. I'll just help you when you get something wrong."

Clarke smiles. "Okay. Well, why don't you say the next part for me."

Madi grins and nods, turning to the rest of the people around them. "One hundred and one counting Bellamy. And they were all alone. With no parents. So they did whatever the hell they wanted."

Bellamy cracks a small smile at the words.

"Then, the monsters came out."

Everyone listens in as Clarke continues the story of the Delinquents, Madi chiming in every so often when she gets something wrong or misses a detail. To the few who lived through it, it's hard for them to hear the whole thing again, remembering every good and bad thing that happened to them during those first moments on the ground. To everyone else hearing it for the first time, it makes some of them a little uneasy. But they all listen to the story, taking in every word and detail right until the very end.

"Wow. I gotta hand it to you, Clarke, that was a pretty damn good story," Murphy tells her with a smile and a nod once the story is over of their time on Earth until the second Praimfaya. "Even if the hobbit had to help you with most of it."

"Like I said, it's been over a hundred years since I told it."

"And since I've heard it," Madi chimes in. "But I still remember it perfectly."

"Because it's your favorite story." Clarke pats her leg and motions with her head toward one of the houses behind them. "Now go on, time for bed."

Madi groans, her shoulders slumping. "Clarke…I'm not tired."

"Madi…I don't care. It's time for bed. Go."

The young girl huffs. "Fine. Goodnight, Clarke." She leans forward to kiss her cheek before standing and leaning over her to kiss Bellamy's cheek as well. "Goodnight, Bellamy."

"Goodnight, Madi," they chorus together with equally wide smiles.

Once Madi has made the rounds of saying goodnight to everyone, she's off to bed in one of the houses. Some of the other adults take that as a cue to send their own children off to bed who had wanted to stay up for a bit longer than usual.

So then it's just the adults left.

Though they're not out for much longer. They're all feeling the exhaustion and decide to head in.

She and Bellamy head back to the little house they share with Madi and Jordan. Once the dust had settled, they'd made sure to keep their promise to Monty and Harper to look after their son. So, of course, they invited him into their home and he happily agreed. Thankfully he'd forgiven Madi for accidentally stabbing him, and the two are getting along really well.

It doesn't take long for Bellamy and Clarke to succumb to the peace of sleeping, curled up together in their bed, legs tangled together beneath the blankets.

They share a quick kiss and words of affection before closing their eyes and letting sleep overtake them.

.

.

.

Over the next few days, whatever is happening to her seems to kick itself up a notch. People will tell her something for later, or ask her to do something else, and she always listens or agrees to do what's being asked. And mere minutes later she can't recall what it is she was told or asked to do. She knows it's there in the back of her mind, she just can't bring it forward.

Or she gets little bits of information mixed up, information that seems easy enough to remember and keep straight.

No one picks up on it right away. No one except for Bellamy. Considering he's hardly left her side since bringing her back from permanent death, it's no surprise that he's the first to pick up on the fact that she seems a little off.

His first immediate thought is that she got body-snatched again and he almost panics. But he quickly shoots that thought down; Sanctum isn't doing that anymore. Clarke isn't in danger anymore because of her blood.

He just didn't think her actual mind would be the next thing to cause her harm. None of them did.

It's during one afternoon when they're taking a quick break inside from the work being done outside to keep Sanctum running smoothly now that there's no concrete form of leadership. Neither of them were jumping at the chance to lead people again. Not after everything they've been through. And Sanctum has been fine with an actual leader for the time being.

Bellamy watches as Clarke moves about the space, tidying things up from when Madi and Jordan had flown through like hurricanes, neither of them bothering to clean up after themselves.

"Hey, Clarke, are you feeling okay?"

She looks up at him from the sink, drying the last of the dishes. "Yeah. Why?"

"You uh...you just seem a little off."

She puts away the dishes and sets down the cloth she'd been using, turning around fully to face him. "Well, it hasn't been that long since I got full control of my body back, so there's bound to be some side effects, right?"

"I'm serious here, Clarke."

"So am I, Bellamy." She closes the space between then, grabbing his hands in hers and looking him in the eyes. "I promise you I am fine. Nothing's wrong. I'm just going to finish up in here and then go talk to Wells about putting a scouting party together, see if he wants to be on it."

That makes him stop. That's not right. That's not…

"Clarke…" he trails off, his brows furrowing.

"Yeah?"

"Wells is dead."

"What?"

"Wells, your best friend from back on the Ark, he died." He watches her for a moment. "Over a hundred years ago. On one of our first days on the ground. Charlotte killed him."

Her eyebrows scrunch together tightly and then she's shaking her head. "Right. Yeah. I know that. Why wouldn't I know that? I'm gonna go check on everyone else, see how they're settling in."

He nods slowly. "Okay. I'll uh...I'll meet up with you later."

"Mm-kay."

They share a quick kiss and then she's off doing what she does best, looking after everyone else.

He takes some time to compose himself before going out to join everyone else. He keeps a smile on his face as he checks in, seeing how everyone is doing. But on the inside, his concern for his girlfriend just grows.

.

.

.

The final straw that has him actually doing something about it is when Clarke doesn't know who Madi is. It's brief, barely noticeable to anyone else who might have seen it.

But he can see it flash in her eyes. He can see the panic that sits there, her mind probably trying to place if Madi was s Delinquent that she somehow missed the first few times around. She plays it off easily enough, quickly dismissing Madi without being rude.

That's when he approaches, his mind and heart racing.

"Clarke?"

She whips around toward him, her eyes wide. "Bellamy. Good. Do you know who that girl was? I don't think she was in Alpha Station. Do you know if she was in Factory or Hydro?"

His entire face falls and he shakes his head. He steps forward and grabs her hands in his, his heart dropping just a little when she looks down at their hands with confusion.

"That's Madi, Clarke. Your daughter."

"What? I don't have a da—Wait. I do. I have a...Madi. She's my…I found her during my six years on earth. "

He nods. "Yeah. Clarke, are you okay?"

Her lips press together tightly and she shakes her head. "I don't think so. I've been...it's hard to remember things, Bellamy."

He nods silently, pulling her into his arms and holding her close, his arms encircling her back and his lips pressing a kiss to her hair. "We'll find your mom and Jackson," he tells her quietly. "Maybe they can figure out what's going on."

"Okay."

It doesn't take them long to find Abby and explain to her what's been going on. Bellamy and Clarke both explain the situation, giving their individual perspectives on the situation.

Abby's silent for a long moment, taking in all the information before conferring quietly with Jackson. They exchange words and then lead Bellamy and Clarke into another room, away from any prying eyes and ears that may be lingering around.

Clarke gets hooked up to a machine, one that he's unfamiliar with, and then Abby and Jackson are watching the machine silently. They're exchanging looks, looks that he doesn't like. He doesn't know what they mean, but he knows he doesn't like them.

"What's going on, mom?" Clarke speaks up after too long spent in silence. "What's happening to me?"

Abby's eyes are filled with tears as she turns to look at her daughter, her hand fidgeting as she looks anywhere but at Clarke and Bellamy. The scan had finished just a few minutes before but she's trying to keep herself together for her daughter's sake.

"Mom!"

"What?"

"What's happening?" Clarke asks.

Abby swallows thickly, shifting on her feet. "You're uh...something...I'm not sure what exactly, but something must have...happened in the process of getting Josephine out of your head. It's possible that the neurons and synapses within your temporal lobe or your hippocampus are—"

"English, please, Abby," Bellamy nearly snaps.

She nods. "It means—"

"It means that I'm losing my memory," Clarke says, squeezing Bellamy's hand hard but not hard enough to do any damage. His head whips to look at her. She swallows thickly. "All of it."

"What?"

"How long do I have, mom? How long until everything's gone?"

"I uh, it's hard to say. I've seen deterioration like this before. It's uh, I don't know how long until everything's gone. Or how much of your memory you'll have left."

Clarke nods, swallowing back her tears. "Right. Could you...could you give me and Bellamy a minute?"

"Of course. I'll be just outside if you need me." Abby drops a kiss to Clarke's forehead before making her way out of the room with Jackson, leaving Clarke and Bellamy alone together.

He shifts on his feet, his hand still holding onto Clarke's. He hasn't let go since she got hooked up to the machine. He doesn't want to believe any of this is actually true. It can't be true.

"We're going to fix this," he tells her after a moment of silence. "I don't know how, but we are."

She swallows thickly. "Bellamy, when I can't remember anything anymore...when I'm just a shell, I need you to tell Madi a few things for me, okay?" She fights back her tears, looking up to see Bellamy doing the exact same. "I need you to tell her that I love her and that she was the best thing to happen to me in those six years. Tell her that I need her to stay strong, and to keep living her life the best way she can and to try to find a way to be happy."

He shakes his head, unable to speak because he knows the tears might fall if he does.

She frowns. "Bellamy, please."

"We're _not_ losing you, Clarke. _I'm _not losing you. Not again. I can't...I can't go through that again."

"I'm so sorry, Bellamy."

"Hey, hey, no. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? This is not your fault."

She huffs out a small laugh, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Just when we finally get things right, something has to go wrong."

The edges of his lips quirk at her comment despite the pain in his eyes. "That does seem to be our luck, doesn't it? But we always manage to make it out alive on the other side."

She smiles sadly at him. "I don't think we're going to be that lucky this time, Bellamy. What's happening to me...I don't think there's a cure for it. Not here. The last thing I want to do is forget about you and Madi. But it's happening, okay? I wish it wasn't, but it is."

"What am I supposed to do?" he asks her, his voice breaking as he looks at her. "What am I...I need you, Clarke."

"I know, " she whispers with a small nod. "I need you too. I need you to do what I asked, though. To tell Madi—"

"You can tell her yourself."

"Bellamy…"

"Damn it, Clarke!" He slams his other hand down on the bed. "No! I am not going to lose you again. Not again. I can't."

She reaches up to cup his cheek, rubbing her thumb against the skin there as gently as she can. "Bellamy...I love you so much. You drove me absolutely crazy when we first met, but I love you so damn much that it physically hurts me sometimes."

"I love you too."

Bending down, he wraps his arms around her tightly, pulling her into a sitting position so he can hit her better. She hugs him back just as tightly, nuzzling her nose into his shoulder. He buries his face into the crook of her neck, breathing in deeply as a quiet sob shakes his body.

Abby comes in again while they're embracing and gives Clarke something to help her sleep. To help her brain not work so hard trying to recover memories that are no longer there.

She leaves them alone again, kissing her daughter on the forehead once more and holding back a sob.

Bellamy waits until he knows they're alone again before reaching out to brush some of her hair back out of her face. She looks so peaceful like this; like she's just taking a nap from a long day and she'll be back to her usual self soon enough.

But he knows that's not the case.

Swallowing his tears, he leans down to kiss her forehead, his lips lingering on her warm skin.

"I'm going to save you, Clarke," he whispers. "I don't know how yet, but I'm going to save you. Just watch."

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**So? What did you think? Let me know in a review down below. I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

**Until next time,  
Jellybean96 out!**


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